well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
