wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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