What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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