oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i think i have herpe
just one?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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