No awkward lesbian experiences without me
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
