i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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