The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize