Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
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