Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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