the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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