I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
All the doctor said was why
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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