I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
