your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
