I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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