So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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