Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
