It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i now understand why vodka
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
