Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
