Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
