sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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