I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
