im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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