She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
