my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
