Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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