Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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