Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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