If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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