Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
