i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
