I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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