so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
