you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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