1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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