i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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