you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
