Welp...herpes.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize