Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
40s are totally the cure
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
