Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
