The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
