I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I have aggressive nipples.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
