I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
