Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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