You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
