Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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