Why are handjobs necessary in class?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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