just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize