You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
