I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
