Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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