Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
