Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
