Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
