I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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