yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
