My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
