And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I AM VODKA MAN
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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