ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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