What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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