PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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