Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
