I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Holy shit dude........stairs
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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