I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
