i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
