You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How naked do you want me to be?
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