The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
