you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
