i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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