I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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