hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
