I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
