I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize