I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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