did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
