Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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