who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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