At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
