She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
