I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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