i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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