idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
