She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Can I color on your dick again?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
